Showing posts with label Proffesion Joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Proffesion Joke. Show all posts

Law of Employment

When leaving work late,
you will mostly go unnoticed.
When you leave
early, you will meet your boss at the parking

Cleanliness and Truthfullness

Boss : We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat..

The Professional Life

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1 . "We will do it" means "You will do it"
2 . "You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3 . "We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4 . "Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5 . "After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6 . "There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7 . "Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8 . "We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9 . "We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time .. "
10 . "We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11 . "Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12 . "You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13 . "We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14 . "Well Family is important; your leave is always granted . Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know . . . "
15 .. "We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16 . "That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17 . "All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Conductor to his Wife - Bus Conductor Jokes

Ek conductor ki shadi ho rahi thi,
Jab dulhan phero k wakt uske paas aa kar baithi to vo bola,
Thoda paas ho k beth, ek swari or beth sakti hai....

Itihaas gawah hein - Lawyer Jokes

Judge: Gawah ko katghare mein pesh kiya jaye.
Vakeel: *throws a history textbook*

Judge: What nonsense?
Vakeel: Milord, itihaas gawah hai.

Increment kab milega

My Boss installed WhatsApp and texted me
'Oye Joke Bhej...!'

I replied 'sir pehle batao increment kab hoga?---'

Boss Replies: 'Mast tha !!
Aur bhej...'

Bhikhari to Engineer : Engineer Jokes

Bhikhari: Bhagwan k naam pe kuch de de.
ENGINEER : Ye le meri ki degree rakh le.

Bikhari: Tujhe chahiye to meri ki degree rakh le ...

Reporter versus Bomb's Victim - Journalist Jokes

Many time our Sincere Journalists ask pointless Questions to the Victim  just to increase TRP's and Viewership. Similarly in India,  On Nowhere Land a Bomb blasted and the Reporter of  Fake news reported there..

Tv reporter ne zakhmi Admi se pucha,“ JAB BOMB GIRA to kya vo zor se phata?“

Zakhmi Admi - Nahin Kutte, woh Rengta hua mere paas aaya aur sharma ke bola, “Paaji..... Boom !!!

English Translation
TV Reporter to injured Person : When Bomb Blasted , is it terrible..?
Injured Person : No , you Dog . It crawled to me and Shyly ask "Excuse Me .... Boom"

Driver ki commitment

Ek driver ki seat ke piche likha tha
Agar Khuda ne chaha to manjil tak paucha doonga,
agar nazar chuki to Maa Kasam,

Khuda se he mila doonga . .. !!

Doctor aur Bhagwan ko kabhi Naraz nahi krna chahiye

Bhagwan & Doctor ko kabhi
naraj nahi karna chahiye...
Bhagwan naraj, aap doctor ke
Doctor naraj, to aap bhagwan ke

Doctor apni Parchi mein kya likhte

Ek admi Doctor se :- Aap Parchi Me Aisa
Kya Likhte Ho.
jo Sirf Medical Store Wale Ko Hi Samajh Me aata hai
Doctor :- main likhta hun….
“Maine Loot Liya Hai, Ab Tu Bhi Loot Le..”

Comforting before Operation

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.

A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, It's a very simple operation, don't worry. I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?"

"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

Funny Medical Definations

Have you heard of Pappu applying to a medical school to become a doctor? Needless to say he never made it. You know why?  These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.

Antibody – Against everyone

Artery – The study of the paintings.

Bacteria – Back door to a cafeteria.

Caesarean section – A district in Rome.

Cardiology – Advance study of poker playing.

Cat scan – Searching for lost kitty.

LIC ki Gazab scheme

L.I.C Wale Bhi Kya Gazab Scheme Banate Hai..
L.I.C Wale Bhi Kya Gazab Scheme Banate Hai...
Logo Ki Biwion Ko Paas Bitha Kar Pati Ke Marne Ke Faide Batate Hai.

Teacher's Day Joke : Guru toh Guru Hota

10 Doctors, 5 Engineers aur 1 Teacher helicopter ki rassi pe latke hue the.

Pilot - Weight zyadaa hai, 1 Aadmi ko rassi choddni padegi!

Teacher - "Ye Qurbani hum denge kyunki hum teacher hain! Bajao taaliyaan!"

Sabhi Doctors aur Engineers taaliyaan bajaane lage!

Weight khud hi kam ho gaya!

MORAL: Doctor, bano ya Engineer, GURU toh aakhir GURU hi hota hai.

Mein chitragupt hun !!

Operation k bad patient bola:
"doctor saheb Kya ab me ROG MUKT hu..?"
Samne se Jawab mila:
"Beta, doctor saheb to niche
reh gye,
me to CHITRAGUPT hun.

God is also an Engineer

God is also an Engineer

BRAHMA :- System installer

VISHNU :- System supporter

SHIVA :- System Programmer

NARAD :- Data transferer

YAM :- Deleter

APSARA :- Virus 

Doctor got Heart Attack after reading a book's Title

At an Chandigarh Railway Station, An American Doctor got Heart attack after reading a Book's

Guess the name of that book??

Book name was

"How to Become a DOCTOR in 30 Days". Rs 150/-

Lawyer vs Witness

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

Stock and Shares Defination

Stock and Shares Definations

BSE : Bombay Se Exit
NSE : Nation Se Exit
F/O : Future Over
NIFTY : No Income For This Year
FII : Fraudulent International Investor
PE : Plunge Endless
EBITDA : Exit Before It Tumbule Down Again
HNI : Has No Idea
PMS : Pre-Meditated Scam
SIP : Suicide by Investing Patiently
CORRECTION : The Next Day After You Bought Shares MOMENTUM
BUYING : The Fine Art Of Buying High And Selling
Low VALUE BUYING = The Fine Art Of Buying Low And Selling Even Low