Showing posts with label Veg Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Veg Jokes. Show all posts

Kaalu's Facebook Account

Kaalu ne facebook account bnaya....use yeh samajh nhi aaya ki wall par kya likhe..
Ghante baad ,soch samajh kar usne ,yeh likha....
"Wall par Susu [peeing] karna manna hein"

Machine used to impress the Girl

Boy to Gym coach:
I wanna impress this cute girl m gonna meet in 3 days..
which machine should I use?
Coach: Use the ATM machine outside the gym…!!!

Dying man and Priest

A priest came to a dying man to read him his last rites.
"Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.
"This is no time to be making enemies," replied the man.

Are you Fedup of mosquito

Kya aap Machharo se pareshan hai.....?
Sone me takleef hoti hai ..?

Machharo ke sone ke baad so jao
What an idea sir ji :)

Murkh aadmi ki biwi

Lalu : Vidvano ne kaha hai.. ki Murkh aadmi ki biwi bahut sundar
Rabdi : Dhat.... Aap ke paas to hamaar taarif ke Alawa kono kam nahi hai

Bhagwaan tumhe dega

Bhikari(pappu se) " Beta ek ruppia dete jaao , bhagwaan tumhe 10 ruppe dega
Pappu "Me tumhe dunga aur phir bhagwaan mughe dega. Bekaar ke is jhanjat ke bajae seethe bhagwaan se hi maang lo.

The Big Mistake

pilotSanta pilot kaamyabi ke baad apne jahaaj land karne pe bahut khush hua..

Nichay utarnay pe staff ne usey hatho mein  lia aur airman uski wardi utarnay main help karney lage

Santa (fakhar se) Aaj mainePakistan ke 4 jahaaz, 2 helicopter aur 1 tank ko maara hai

Airman wo sab to theek hai, lekin sir ji aap ne 1 galti kar di hai..

Santa : Kaun si galti

Airman: Bus aap  khushi me Pakistan me hi land kar gaye

Friends are like Balloons

Friends are like Balloons

If you let them go...................................

you cant get them back

So i'm gonna tie you to my heart So i will never lose you

Get 100% satisfaction

Management Lesson
You spent 100% income on your wife and get 10% satisfaction.
on the other hand
You spent 10% income on your girlfriend and get 100% satisfaction.
your money, your decision.

Love is blind

[caption id="attachment_324" align="alignright" width="150" caption="Luv is Blind"]Luv is Blind[/caption]

Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes A well.
Luv falls
into the well. Why???
Because Luv (love) is blind

From the Heart

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all humankind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with.

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it, no matter how often or politely I asked. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She was very upset. She then asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to buzz off.

Edna Johnston

Selling Bibles

While checking the church storeroom, the pastor discovered several cases of new Bibles that never had been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise money for the church. Jack, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer who always had kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor Louie stuttered badly. But because he didn't want to discourage Louie, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

Does God Exist??

A college student was in a philosophy class, where there was a class discussion about whether or not God exists, The professor had the following logic:

"Has anyone in this class heard God?" Nobody spoke. "Has anyone in this class touched God?" Again, nobody spoke. "Has anyone in this class seen God?"

When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, "Then there is no God."

The student did not like the sound of this at all,

Reason not to go Seven Star Hotel

Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"

Answer: "tea please"

Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"

Answer : "Ceylon tea "

Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"

Answer: "white"

Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"

Daddy's Password

A guy was typing away at his home computer, when his six- year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.

Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"

"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.

Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!" (*****)

Billy and the Computer

Bill's company made software to run a car.
Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.
A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"
Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.
He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Handicapped Horse

The trainers last minute instructions to a jockey were to shout "Up and Over" at each jump.

The jockey considered this stupid and ignored these instructions.

The horse clumsily tripped over the first two hurdles and then the jockey shouted "Up and Over" at each jump. So... won the race.

The trainer asked him, "What happened in the first two jumps? You ignored my instructions didnt you?"

The jockey replied, "No, the horse must be deaf."

"No way!!!" the trainer insisted. "Blind, yes....but not deaf..."

You are Passionate

Two police officers saw an old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman.

As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate."

They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate."

The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!"

She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"

Kahan jana hein?

Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?

Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.

TT: Ticket hai?

Sadhu: Nahin

TT: Chalo

Sadhu: Kahan?

TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

How to start your day with a positive outlook

Open a new file in your PC.

Name it as "Boss".

Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"

Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

Feel better? Have A Nice Day.