The Professional Life

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS
1 . "We will do it" means "You will do it"
2 . "You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"
3 . "We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"
4 . "Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"
5 . "After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"
6 . "There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"
7 . "Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"
8 . "We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"
9 . "We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time .. "
10 . "We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"
11 . "Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"
12 . "You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"
13 . "We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"
14 . "Well Family is important; your leave is always granted . Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know . . . "
15 .. "We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"
16 . "That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"
17 . "All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Mein itna bada kab hounga

Chota bacha apni maa se,
Maa main itna bada kab hunga
ke apse poche bina
har jaga chala jaun
.
Maa buhat pyaar se,
.
.
Beta itna bada to tera baap bhi nahi hua aaj tak

Send bill to My brother in Law

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.
"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun.
He said, "I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Perfect, Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Two Little Boy v/s Priest

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
You should see the marathon.........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate..shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".

Happy Dussehra

Aaj Khuda ki shararat samajh aayi,
Is dharti pe aapki hukumat samajh aayi,
Aapko dharti pe bhejna uska bahana tha.....
.
.
.
Ravan ke baad kisiko ko aana tha

Happy Dussehra

ECG of a Married Man

This is how Heart pulse of married man changes in different situations


ECG of a man when with his Wife
____/\_______/\______/\____
ECG of a man when with his Girlfriend
___/\___/\___/\___/\___/\__
ECG of a man when with Girlfriend in front of his Wife
________________________

neend na aane ka ilaaj

Husband- Mujhe nind nhi aa rahi hai!!

Wife- jao aur kitchen ka sara bartan saaf kar do!

Husband - Arey pagli!!! Main Neend mein bol raha hun!