Showing posts with label Hell-Heaven Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hell-Heaven Jokes. Show all posts

Rajnikanth Jokes says Go to Hell

Once, Rajnikanth told a kid, "GO TO HELL"
Today that kid is known as...
YAMRAJ  or The Grim..!!!

Mein chitragupt hun !!

Operation k bad patient bola:
"doctor saheb Kya ab me ROG MUKT hu..?"
Samne se Jawab mila:
"Beta, doctor saheb to niche
reh gye,
me to CHITRAGUPT hun.

I didn't recognize you

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the

God replied:
"Damnit! I didn't recognize you.

Mischievious Son In Heaven

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

Welcome to the Heaven

A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.
The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.

The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.

The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven."

Dying man and Priest

A priest came to a dying man to read him his last rites.
"Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.
"This is no time to be making enemies," replied the man.

Representing Christmas

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”

"They're Carol "

This is the Hell

So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "You're going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There's a bass player named 'Mingus' and a pianist named 'Monk', and any day now we expect this 'Blakey' guy to show up with his drums.

"Wow!" the guy says, "I never imagined heaven would be this good."

The man in the robe says, "This is hell, not heaven. There's a girl singer."

Management Screwing the talented one's

Once SONIA GANDHI, L.K. Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks Mrs GANDHI and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English

Mrs GANDHI is asked to spell " INDIA " and she does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND " and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA ".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.

Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).
Mrs GANDHI is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". She writes it easily and
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes..
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR....."
Tough one. He fails again.

Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.
Mrs GANDHI is asked: "When did India get Independence ?". She replied "1947" and

Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.

Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.


Cigggerate in Hell

Once upon a time three persons died on same day.One was Hindu,another was Christan and third was Sardarji.

Yamraaj(St Peter) was facing problem so as to decide whether they should be sent to haeven or hell. Finally yamraajji decided to ask one question from each of them and then send them accordingly.

Yamraaj asked from each of them if everybody got one chance to get their wish fulfilled then What would be their Wishes

1. Hindu Guy: Yamraaj I have never tasted meat so I wanna taste it, Yamraajji gives him meat and sends him to hell (one is not supposed to eat non-veg at least after he is dead)

2. Christian Guy: Just one more bottle of Wine, Yamraaj arranges a bottle of wine and sends them to hell. (Wine is vice)

3. Sardarji:Yamraaj I have never smoked a ciggerate So I wanna smoke it, So Sardaarji was also provided with ciggerate and sent to hell.(smoking is vice).

After ten years the same three persons were called so as to had look at their condition.

1. Hindu entered in the hall with great health and strong musceles.(Since he consumed meat for ten years.)

2. Christian was not in his senses,coming with a bottle of wine in his hands swanging here and there.

3. Sardarji was the same person as he was ten years back.Approaching to yamraaj in a fits of anger and gave a tight slap on yamraaj's cheek and shouted: Ciggerate to de ditti, maachis tera pyon dega (u provided me with ciggerate but what about matchsticks).

Go to Hell

Three drunk guys are sitting behind a couple of nuns at a football game (whose habits partially blocked the view).

In an effort to get te nuns to move, the men decided to badger them.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, I heard there are only 100 nuns living there."

The Second Guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns there."

The Third Guy said, "Well, I want to go to Idaho, they say there are only 25 Nuns living there."

At that, one of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "Why don't you all go to hell. You won't find any nuns there."

Tea Drinking in Hell

One guy dies and goes to Hell. The Devil meets him at the gates and says "There are 3 rooms here and you can choose which one you want to spend eternity in".

The Devil takes him to the first room where there were people hanging from the walls by their wrists and obviously in agony.

The Devil takes him to the second room where the people are being whipped with metal chains.

The Devil then opens the third door, and the man looks inside and sees loads of people sitting around, up to their waists in shit, drinking cups of tea.

The man decides instantly which room he is going to spend the rest of eternity in and chooses the last room.

He goes into the third room, picks up his cup of tea and the Devil walks back in saying

"Ok, guys, tea break's over, back on your heads!!!