Joke and SMS 's Classic Dictionary

This is the Classic New Dictionary with Cool new Meanings....specially made for College and High School Student's

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.

2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master .

4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage .

Kaalu shocked his Maths Teacher

Kaalu to his Maths Teacher,
Kaalu: Miss mein aapko kaisa lagta hoon ??
Teacher: So Sweet !!
Kaalu : Toh mein bheju aapne Mummy Papa ko.....
Teacher: Kyun...!!!
Kaalu: Taaki woh Hamari baat chalaye...
Teacher [Shockingly] : What??
Kaalu : Tution ke Liye....

Barber and Asians

There is this good ol' barber in some city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

An Asian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and barber replies; "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there - a dozen Asians waiting for a free haircut...

Gujju and Earache

A Gujju woman took her baby to a doctor, who determined right away that the baby had an earache.

He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote,
"Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough,
the pharmacist,had typed the following instructions on the label:
"Put two drops in R ear [Rear] every four hours.

Flight-Karachi to Bombay

The Air India flight from Karachi to Bombay was in trouble. As the storm raged, Kaalu, the captain of the plane realized his plane was going to crash. He was however able to land the plane on the water where it was sinking fast.
'He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

'One Pakistani (Mataalu )stepped forward. "Yes, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said Kaalu, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - were one short."

Blind for Sky Diving

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered: "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

Everything Bigs in Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"