Showing posts with label Proffesion Joke. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Proffesion Joke. Show all posts

God is also an Engineer

God is also an Engineer


BRAHMA :- System installer

VISHNU :- System supporter

SHIVA :- System Programmer

NARAD :- Data transferer


YAM :- Deleter

APSARA :- Virus 

Doctor got Heart Attack after reading a book's Title


At an Chandigarh Railway Station, An American Doctor got Heart attack after reading a Book's
Name..!!

Guess the name of that book??


Book name was

"How to Become a DOCTOR in 30 Days". Rs 150/-

Lawyer vs Witness

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

Stock and Shares Defination

Stock and Shares Definations

BSE : Bombay Se Exit
NSE : Nation Se Exit
F/O : Future Over
NIFTY : No Income For This Year
FII : Fraudulent International Investor
PE : Plunge Endless
EBITDA : Exit Before It Tumbule Down Again
HNI : Has No Idea
PMS : Pre-Meditated Scam
SIP : Suicide by Investing Patiently
CORRECTION : The Next Day After You Bought Shares MOMENTUM
BUYING : The Fine Art Of Buying High And Selling
Low VALUE BUYING = The Fine Art Of Buying Low And Selling Even Low

Fight according to proffesion

Different types of Girlfriend fighting with their boyfriend..

Pilot's Girlfriend : Zyada ud Matt Samjha
Teacher's Girlfriend : Mujhe mat Sikhao Samjhe
Dentist's Girlfriend : Daant tod ke hath me de dungi
C.A.'S Girlfriend : Hisaab se reh samjha...
Engineer's Girlfriend :
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" Abey pehle Pass toh ho ja fir baat karna"

Funny Lawyer

Murderer: Koshish karna ki mujhe umar kaid ho jaye maut ki saja na ho.
Lawyer: Don't worry.
After court decision:
Murderer: kya hua? 
lawyer: Bahut mushkil se umar kaid mili, sale riha kar rahe the.

Tata Nano 2nd and 3rd Edition

Tata Motors -What will you call 2nd & 3rd editions of NANO car?
Ratan Tata:Sodium Nitrite & Sodium Nitrate.
Because it will be NaNO2 & NaNo3

Collecter Vs Inspector vs Teacher

Collector, S.P. & Teacher baithe the...

Collector: mera bahut rob hai. main jile ka maalik hu.

S.P.- Mera bahut rob hai. main kisi ko bhi andar kar sakta hu.

Teacher: apna koi rob-vob nahi hai.
apan to din bhar ladko ke joote maarte hain. aage unki marzi wo collector banein ya S.P.

Stop Talking and Smile

The only person on this earth, who can ask women to stop talks,
and in reply, gets a smile back from her is...
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A Photographer

Three Insurance Persons

Three life insurance salesmen of different countries were having a chat.

Pakistani: When a man died, we processed the claim and delivered the check within 24 hours.

Indian: When a man died, we delivered a check the same evening.

American: That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of the WTC building. A man was working on the 50th floor. He slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!

Welcome to the Heaven

A doctor, an engineer, and a fungal taxonomist arrived at The Pearly Gates.
The doctor said how he'd healed the sick, helped the lame; but he was a sinner and was sent to Hell.

The engineer told how he'd built homes for the homeless, etc.; but he messed up the environment, so he was sent to Hell.

The fungal taxonomist was frightened by all this, but as soon as he mentioned his occupation, God said "You've already been thru Hell, Welcome to Heaven."

Beggar and Software Engineer

A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question ???
* So, Which Platform are you Working on ???....

Sensitive Beer

Three hicks were working on a telephone tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."

Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow!"

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.

I'm the Groom

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Trip to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go -- and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”